Chloe
by alphayamergo
Summary: or Why You Should Never Let Arthur's Exes Get Bored. Or What Happens When Hiddenfilly Gets Bored On Good Friday. Warning: Lots and lots of bad name calling. ArthurxAriadne. Oneshot.


**What the I don't even.**

**I do not own Inception.**

"Helloooooo!"

An energetic, and quite possibly drunk, young woman with dark hair bounced into the warehouse. "Arthur!" she called out. "_Arthur!_" she repeated, dragging the word out.

Not a thing stirred. The dark haired woman stood, waiting, for almost a minute before shrugging and turning away. "Should have known nobody would be here at midnight."

* * *

><p>The next morning, the team was in the warehouse as usual - except for Arthur and Ariadne.<p>

"_Arthur!_" The dark-haired girl from last night bounded into the studio. The possibility of her being intoxicated was the same as last night. "Where's Arthur?"

Slowly, slowly, Cobb turned around from his desk and stared at the woman. "_Chloe_," he groaned. "What are you doing _here_?"

Chloe pouted, clearly put out by Cobb's lack of enthusiasm. "I'm looking for Arthur." She smiled at him. "Where is he?"

"…Why should I tell you where he is?"

Chloe giggled, twirling her hair around her finger. "Because he's my fiancé, silly!" she replied.

"Chloe," Cobb said slowly, as if trying to a get a point across. "You left him at the altar seven years ago. He is not your fiancé."

"_Yes he is!_" hissed Chloe, glaring at Cobb. In her imagination, she walked over and snapped his neck. In reality, she made a loud "humph!" sound and stalked off.

Cobb turned back to his work, muttering something about he thought the Crazy Eyes was only a joke on How I Met Your Mother.

* * *

><p>The phone rang.<p>

Arthur groaned, sat up and reached for the phone. Beside him, Ariadne let her eyes flicker open and complained, "I thought we got to sleep in today."

"So did I," replied Arthur as he hit the talk button. "What is it, Cobb?"

"_You will not believe who just came to the warehouse._"

Arthur waited patiently for Cobb to continue.

"…_It was Chloe._"

"Chloe!" Arthur grimaced. "Why?"

"_She seems to be convinced that your still her fiancé. Apparently, she's forgotten the past seven years._"

"…So what your saying is, be on the alert for a possible stalker, and warn Ariadne that there'll be a girl running around Paris insisting that she's my fiance?"

"What?" asked Ariadne, tuning in now that she had been mentioned and causing Arthur to miss Cobb's reply. The line disconnected. "What was that about a girl saying she's your fiancé?"

"The person who left me at - " started Arthur, but Ariadne cut him off.

"Oh. Right."

* * *

><p>"Morning, guys!" Ariadne said brightly as she walked into the warehouse the next day. The others barely glanced at her, muttering greetings with bleary eyes.<p>

"What's up?" she asked, grinning as Eames collapsed on to his desk.

"Yesterday was the longest day of my life," the Forger complained. "That Chloe person kept coming back every five minutes. She wouldn't _shut up_."

"_Helloooooo!_"

Eames looked like he wanted to hide under his desk, or set fire to the speaker, or both at the same time. A woman with short black hair that Ariadne didn't recognise swept into the room.

"Three guesses as to who it is," Eames muttered to Ariadne. "Where's Arthur? Can't he deal with this?"

"I made him stay at home. I thought the Chloe person might try to kidnap him."

"Is Arthur _still_ not here? I thought you guys said that you'd call him and he'd come in!" the woman exclaimed.

"…Oh Lord," Ariadne muttered, resisting a laugh.

"Actually, Chloe," said Yusuf, glancing up from his work, "_you_ said we'd do that. We never agreed."

Chloe pouted. For a moment, she almost seemed subdued. Then: "Oh, hey, there's a new person here!" Chloe's pout turned to a smile. "I'm Chloe, Arthur's fiancé! All of these guys say that I'm not, but don't listen to them. They don't understand true love."

Ariadne fought back a snicker. "But I thought Arthur had a different fiancé."

"What? That cheater! Oh, well, I forgive him. You've just got to help me keep him away from that woman." Chloe giggled and twirled her hair around her fingers. "You will, won't you? I've got two plans - "

"Well," Ariadne interrupted, "as fun as it is, listening you plan to steal my fiancé from me; I really think it's time you _leave._"

Cobb, Yusuf and Eames looked like they were about to burst into applause. Chloe looked aghast. "It was _you_!" Chloe exclaimed. "I thought we were friends!"

"…"

"But then - then you go steal the love of my life away from me!"

"…"

"How could you? You know how much Arthur means to me! And you should know that he loves me back! I'm not going to let you get in the way of us! Arthur's mine, and I'm his fiancé, and the one he's going to marry, so there!"

"Chloe," Cobb intervened before Ariadne could rip her face off, "you should really go." Chloe stared at him with wounded eyes.

"Fine then! I know when I'm not wanted - "

"No you don't," Eames muttered under his breath.

"I'll just go find Arthur! He'll comfort me!" Chloe turned and stormed off.

"You're not Arthur's fiancé!" Ariadne hollered after her. "You left him at the altar _seven years ago_!"

"He still loves me!" Chloe hollered back.

"No he doesn't!"

"Yes he does!"

"No. He. DOESN'T!"

* * *

><p>Ariadne finally let Arthur come to work three days after this incident, seeing as that Chloe had not shown up again since. The Point Man looked relieved as he sat at his desk - he had not liked sitting in his apartment with nothing to do at all, especially without Ariadne to keep him company.<p>

"_Helloooooooooooo!_"

"Please do not tell me she's been spying on the warehouse," Ariadne muttered as she sat her design back on to the table.

Cobb shrugged. "Probably."

"_Artie!_" squealed Chloe, charging across the room to Arthur's desk. Eames started laughing so hard that he choked.

"I can't believe I was engaged to this woman," Arthur muttered as he struggled vainly to escape her grasp.

"…Cobb, would you happen to have a gun anywhere?"

Cobb didn't need to look to see who was speaking. "Sorry, Ariadne. We're already breaking enough laws as it is without committing murder."

"I prefer to think of it as a charity," muttered Ariadne. She sighed. "Looks like I'll have to do this the old fashioned way."

Arthur's face started turning blue. Chloe continued to ignore the fact she was squeezing him way too hard.

"GET THE HELL OFF MY FIANCE," thundered Ariadne as she stormed towards her fiancé and this… this… Ariadne couldn't think of a bad enough word to describe her.

"NO, I WON'T!" Chloe shouted back. "HE LIKES IT THIS WAY." She released Arthur slightly, and he gasped in some air.

"No, I really don't," he muttered.

"SEE?"

"…Has anybody told you that you might have selective bad hearing?"

"Several people have. NOW LEAVE US ALONE."

"GET OFF MY FIANCE FIRST."

"HE'S MINE."

"Ariadne's," corrected Arthur.

"YOU LEFT HIM AT. THE. ALTAR."

"HE STILL LOVES ME."

"NO HE DOESN'T."

"Ariadne's right." That was Arthur.

"YES. HE. DOES!" Chloe's last word reached a scream that shattered windows and made every animal in a five mile radius start whimpering pitifully.

"No, I don't." That was Arthur.

"LISTEN TO HIM. IT'S PRETTY DAMN CLEAR HE LOVES _ME_."

"YOU ENCHANTED HIM, OR SOMETHING."

"Oh, come _on._" Arthur longed to be able to hit his head against a wall.

"I AM AN ARCHITECT, NOT A WITCH. YOU ARE JUST SOME IDIOT."

Chloe gaped. "THAT _HURT!_" she shrieked. "YOU'RE HORRIBLE."

"AT LEAST I HAVE A BRAIN."

"SO SAYS THE WITCH."

"SO SAYS THE DREAMLESS WONDER."

"THE MAN-STEALER."

"THE LEAVE-SAID-GUY-AT-THE-ALTAR-ER."

Yusuf slowly dunked a needle into one of the sedatives, withdrew enough to knock out a fully-grown woman, and stood up.

"THE LIAR."

"THAT'S RICH, COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO INSISTS SHE'S THE FIANCE OF SOMEONE WHO'S ALREADY _ENGAGED_."

"SAYS _YOU._"

"SAYS EVERYONE."

"SAY'S EVERYONE THAT'S BEEN _BRAINWASHED._"

_Ka-thunk._ Chloe fell forwards on to the desk, out cold. Standing behind the knocked out woman and Arthur was Yusuf, looking extremely proud of himself.

"…Shall we put her on the next plane out of here?" he asked once everybody had had sufficient staring time.

"Sure," Ariadne replied. "Send her back to her family."

Cobb grinned. "I'm glad we didn't have to use the gun."

"…It would have been more fun," Ariadne muttered, looking slightly sheepish.

Arthur untangled himself and walked over. "But you might have hit me."

"No big loss," Eames called from where he was helping Yusuf move Chloe.

Ariadne laughed as Arthur shouted back, "At least there'd be someone at my funeral!"

Eames looked wounded, causing Ariadne to laugh harder.

"Okay, guys," Cobb said finally. "Let's make up for the work we lost while Chloe was bothering us."

"…I'm starting to wish Chloe would wake up," Eames muttered.

"No you don't!" cried four voices simultaneously.


End file.
